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Final Review
}} Roy is accepted in to the Celestial Realm. Cast * Roy Greenhilt (as spirit) ◀ ▶ * Eugene Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Bureaucratic Deva ◀ ▶ * Three Angels Transcript Roy: —so I’m like “But you told me we didn’t want to turn right!” and Durkon says, “No, I told ye we dinnae want ta turn wights!” Roy: Man, we had to make a lot of Fortitude saves the next day. Bureaucratic Deva: Ha ha ha ha ha! Bureaucratic Deva: Let me ask you something: Why did you never consider becoming a cleric yourself? You have halfway decent Wisdom and Charisma scores, you could have pulled it off. Roy: Well, this is awkward to say, given where I am, but I’ve never really been that religious. Roy: I mean, I guess my mom raised me to worship the Northern Gods, but I always just figured as long as I don’t actively offend any of them, they’d leave me alone. Roy: The idea of playing Fetching Boy for an ultrapowerful outsider who never seems to be able to get off his divine butt and do anything for himself seemed like a less-than-satisfying existence. Bureaucratic Deva: Well, Mr. Greenhilt, I’ve heard all that I need to hear. I’m ready to render a decision. Roy: As a friend of mine might say, “dunh, dunh, DUNH!” Except for the total lack of suspense due to it being a forgone conclusion. Bureaucratic Deva: Excuse me? Roy: Look, I know it’s your job to rake me over the coals— Bureaucratic Deva: No, you’re thinking devil, not deva. Roy: —but we both know this is moot, because you can’t let me in due to my dear old dad’s Blood Oath. Bureaucratic Deva: Mr. Greenhilt, we do things “by the book” around here— Cut to a giant book floating in the clouds and surrounded by flame and angels. The cover of the book reads, "The Book". Bureaucratic Deva (inset): —and it just so happens that the book in question is 100 feet tall and alight with holy fire— Bureaucratic Deva: —and it says that I need to evaluate you regardless of any mitigating circumstances that may or may not be in effect. Roy: OK, OK, knock yourself out. Geez. Bureaucratic Deva: There are two sets of criteria I needed to consider before assigning you an afterlife. Are you Good, and are you Lawful? Bureaucratic Deva: Luckily for you, your lack of piety isn’t an issue, only your alignment is brought into question. Bureaucratic Deva: I don’t think there is any doubt that you’re a Good man… you regularly battle the forces of Evil without expecting compensation. Bureaucratic Deva: And I see very few truly Evil acts… Nothing here even merits a blip on the Malev-o-meter. Bureaucratic Deva: Though sometimes you enjoy verbally lambasting your friends and friends and foes a little too much for our tastes. You might want to cut down on that if you do end up being raised. Roy: Yeah, but think of how many fewer punchlines I would get if I did. Bureaucratic Deva: Now as far as Law… You’re a man who has sacrificed most of his adult life fixing the mistake his father made when he swore the Blood Oath of Vengeance against Xykon. Bureaucratic Deva: By talking to you, I can see you’re someone for whom the idea of Responsibility is central. That certainly who be Lawful enough for us— Roy: Yes! Bureaucratic Deva: —except that you often veer toward Chaos in the execution of your perceived responsibilities. Roy: Crap. Bureaucratic Deva: Tricking your friends into participating in a quest to fix your sword—much less conspiring to work behind the backs of an order of paladins—are not acts that scream “Lawful”. Bureaucratic deva: Using Chaotic means to fulfill Lawful obligations strikes me as fairly Neutral… Bureaucratic Deva: I don’t think my superiors would blink if I kicked your case over to the Neutral Good afterlife, but there’s one factor preventing me: Bureaucratic Deva: You’re trying. Bureaucratic Deva: You’re trying to be Lawful Good. Bureaucratic Deva: People forget how crucial it is to keep trying, even if they screw it up now and then. Bureaucratic Deva: They figure that if they can’t manage it perfectly every waking second, then they should just pick some other alignment because it’ll be easier. Bureaucratic Deva: But it’s the struggle that matters. It’s easy for a being of pure Law and Good to live up to these ideals, but you’re a mortal. Bureaucratic Deva: What matters is that when you blow it, you get back up on the horse and try again. Bureaucratic Deva: You…well, your record is full of grey spots, but you never stop working at improving it. Bureaucratic Deva: That’s what’s important. To us, anyway. Bureaucratic Deva: Welcome to the Celestial Realm, Roy. Roy: Wait, what? What about the Blood Oath of Vengeance? I thought— Bureaucratic Deva: It’s not a problem for us. Go on up. Eugene Greenhilt: WHAT?!? Roy: In lieu of Paradise, can I just get a picture of the exact look on his face? Bureaucratic Deva: Now, see, that’s exactly the sort of comment we’d like you to cut back on! Roy: Maybe a 50-foot marble statue… D&D Context * A fortitude save is required to resist the level draining attack of wights * Outsiders are denizens of the Outer Planes. Trivia * Elan first said "dunh dunh DUNH!" for dramatic tension in #21. * Roy tricked the party into the sidequest for Starmetal in #139. * Roy conspired behind the backs of paladins with Shojo in #290. External Links * 490}} View the comic * 58968}} View the discussion thread Category:Roy's Afterlife